Monday, March 31, 2008
Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
First, a little something about myself would be appropriate. I am married to a man who has 3 children from a former marriage. I also had a former marriage, but no children. I married a young man who was in Bible school at the time to be a youth pastor, he was also a child of a missionary. I think that I just went with the flow of the dating thing figuring that I wouldn't date someone or have the opportunity to date someone unless he was "the one". We married and had plans, and his parents didn't like me and I was a little afraid of them(because they argued very loudly-a lot/ but I later learned that's how they talked all the time), and I had only met his sister once in 7 years. When we first got married, he got a job in Colo Springs as an assistant youth pastor, and because I had 2 years of early childhood ed. I was given a job as a 1st grade teacher. I was not qualified and had no idea what I was doing, it was awful! He went around a year and than had some trouble ( never clear to me at the time) and the pastor and principal decided along with my husband that he should finish his education. We moved to Missouri to attend BBC. I worked at Cox and he schooled full time. During the 1st year he had only what I can say was a major asthma attack/nervous breakdown. After that his drive was gone...he started failing his studies (he didn't need them you know ) and we ended up moving back to Colorado. With a large student loan. He than was able to get a job as youth director at a really nice church in Pueblo, Co. It was alright for a while and than he started having problems with the authority he worked under. Let me say this, he never had a job longer than a year, at first it would be the best job and than slowly something would go wrong, and it was usually the boss' fault, or the boss didn't like him(never his fault) I didn't see the pattern for a long while. We changed church and helped the YP at that church by teaching the Collage class. We moved to the Springs, again, and he worked at a gas station, and I transfered to the Sears up there. Again... I always had to have a full time job because he was in the ministry and couldn't work more than part time- if that. Feeling a little resentment? I was getting fat. 120 to 180 in 6 years. I was becoming his mother ( who I didn't like), he would say "your just like my mom" Yuk! We lost a cat to cancer and than in just a few days we had the "talk" . He loved me still, but he was disgusted by me (fat), couldn't stand to touch me and he just knew that he was going to have an affair, just knew it was gonna happen.(Forgiveness before fact?) He wanted to separate to go live with a work buddy for a while. I said he would still have to help pay bills and he didn't know why. I asked him what he thought was going to happen to us, and he said we would separate for a while and after about a month of so we would get a divorce. So me being who I am said that if that was what he wanted to do, just do it and quit waisting out time if it wasn't going to get fixed. He didn't want counseling. There is a lot more details that I haven't put in here, he battled depression and wouldn't get help, he didn't care. He had to have an account of all of my money and pay checks, yet I never knew what he spent his on. He openly flirted with co-workers while I waited in the car to drive him home (glass window), and than didn't know why I was mad at him. My mom and I read a list from Ann Landers about the signs of an abusive husband and he had all of them except the hitting. Did he commit adultery? I don't know. Did I? No. Was there a Biblical reason to kill the union? Probably not. Was I relieved? Yes. Did I come before God with repentance and confession? Yes. Did God forgive me this horrible sin? Why yes. Do I take this lightly? Never. Do I support divorce? No. If you think that I never gave it another thought as far as the "Church" and divorce you are wrong. I thought on it a lot, I studied it, I prayed on it. This is my conclusion on divorce...Can God not forgive a murderer? A prostitute? A drug addict? Why, then would some Christians say and tell you to your face that God can not forgive divorce? I am forgiven by the only One that matters to me. The Bible says God despises a liar, yet how many people tell lies on a daily basis? Preachers never tell lies. Right? You don't need to leave a comment unless you want to, because I will continue this on my next blog. I am going somewhere with all of this personal info. otherwise I wouldn't be sharing at all. Some final thoughts...I was left with feelings of disapointment, resentment, anger, abandon, and they were all toward God mainly, because He didn't fix things, He wouldn't fix him when I prayed and begged and demanded and pleaded for God to help me and us. where was He? Im in my childhood bedroom wondering these things, and I wondered for a long time.
Friday, March 28, 2008
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.
Interesting note: Expectation in this verse is the same thing as an umbilical cord is to a baby.
(I was told this by a Pastor counselor) What a neat thought, huh.
This is a fun video of the choir my youngest was a part of a few months ago. You can't see her because she is behind the piano player. I have another one where they were able to sing "Amazing Grace" , and someday I will put it on, but this one is fun. Enjoy, and if you have little ones...see what you have to look forward too, and if you have older ones...bring back the memories. xoxox
It was an Honour Choir... so special that way also.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Just about everyone is a cousin. We have real cousins - the ones that are the children of our Aunts and Uncles, and we have other cousins, children of our cousins, or people who aren't Aunts or Uncles, I think, but it just seems like everywhere I turn I bump into a cousin. When I was a teenager I had (have) a cousin that would call from out of state and ask me "is this little Julie? Do you know who this is?" okay, for one thing...this cousin is someone that I maybe saw every 5 years if that, and no I didn't know who it was. I will give a hint-T.R. Another cousin also used to do this- another male cousin- but now he says who he is first-K.H. I am the baby of the cousins, and the eldest of the other cousins. I have about 8 cousins on my dad's side of my family and I am the baby. I have 8 cousins on my mom's side -and I am the baby. I have cousins that could be my parent in age ...all the way down to just a few years older than I am. My cousins have kids and they are my cousins...I will try to count them. Just a sec. Okay, I lost count on my dads side at 15. And I think 15 on my mom's side. My husband has 1 sister who has no children and his parents. Maybe a half -Aunt/Uncle on his mom's side and that's it. My family has a reunion in August, I don't think I will be able to go out, but if you do and people ask you who you are...you know what to do...say your a cousin! lol!
Oh,yeah! All of the husbands/wives of my cousins are called cousin.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
I believe that the society we live in today is one that is full of fear. We are afraid of being burgled, afraid of strangers that get too close to our children. We are afraid of parking lots at night-and for good reason according to the nightly news it seems. We are afraid of speeding tickets, accidents, late bills, people who come to our doors (sometimes). Fear of the unknown, fear of the known! Fear has a grip on the female mind in this age we live in, and in this country (and world as far as that goes). Fear of attack on our person, fear of old age, fear of being alone for the rest of our lives. Fear of death, fear at birth My sister and I have talked about fear before, about how some fear is good for us-like the feeling that we shouldn't do, or go, or stay somewhere. And than the fear that hinders us in our lives, and cripples us, puts us in a cage. Most of the things mentioned above are things that should cause caution in our thinking and actions, but when caution becomes fear...I believe it becomes a spiritual matter. I know from my own personal experiences that Satan uses fear to grip us and build strongholds in our lives. I believe that some fear is right to have just to keep us safe, but excessive fear is sinful, because we are not putting our trust in our Heavenly Father. I have memorized these verses to help me when I am feeling that "sinful" and normal fear creep up on me...
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love Him, because He first loved us. 1John 4:18-19
Thursday, March 20, 2008
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player than tags 5 people and posts their names, than goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they done got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.
I don't know 5 people who have not already been tagged, so I will tag however many I can. I just made up this last rule ( for me :))
What was I doing 10 years ago?
*I was getting finished with a horrible divorce from my then husband of almost 7 years.
*I was working nights at a grocery store in Canon City, Colo. with some real goobers.
*I was in the process of losing around 50 pounds, due to the stress, and the hard work, and hours.
* I was spending time with my wonderful niece and nephew.
* I was journaling, journaling,journaling!
5 things on my to-do list today.
* Cook supper that everyone will eat.
* Walk one mile at the park- already done at this time Yea!
* Get laundry ready to rock and roll tomorrow- no school day.
* Read blogs, and now doing this me-me.
* Try to sneak away from everyone and go to bed early.
* Six- just added- pray for my friend who is at the Hosp. having her first baby- a boy we hope :)
Snacks I enjoy.
* Pepsi- but I'm not allowed to drink soda anymore :(
* Sunflower seeds
* Salty things, but not chips so much- strange.
* Ice cream.
Things I would do if I were a billionaire.
* Pay off house and motorcycle payments.
* Travel with whole family on a vacation to Mesa Verde, in Colo.
* Support missions.
* Buy a home with all the features I like- sun room, bedroom for everyone-room for the birds,maid,large shop/workroom for Hubby.
*Travel to Ireland or Scotland-take my sis, because hubby wont want to go.
Five of my bad habits.
* Repeating directions to children because they act like they don't hear me so I repeat.
* Chew my fingernails. Sometimes.
* Grouchy when sleepy.
* Worry about things I can't control. I know.
* I avoid cleaning the bathroom as long as possible. I know.
Five places I have lived.
* Beulah, Colo. Until about 5
* Canon City, Colo.
* Pueblo, Colo.
* Colo. Springs, Colo.
Five jobs I've had.
* Actress in western gun fights. Buckskin Joe's
* Dish washer.
* Waitress- a little bit.
* Stocker at a grocery store
* First grade teacher- don't ask.
Now! I will Me Me some people I would like to know more about, Robin, and MondaythruSunday!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I have stopped more than one cat fight with my hands.
I have thought my hands were made out of pot holders more than once.
I used to regularly run around the back of our house bare foot...only to get stranded every time in the goat-head sticker patch. Every time!
I made a double (school kitchen size) batch of no bake cookies...only to realize I forgot the sugar. Not fun to fix.
I fell off a car lift in my hubby's old garage. Got whiplash too. :(
I overfill cake pans at work...thus volunteering to clean the oven.
I measure once and cut twice.
I forget peoples names..so I look at them and say "I forgot your name" and they say "it's Kay" :)
I can't remember anyones birthday or anniversary.
I went over 90mph on a dirt road in an old Datsun pickup when I was 16.
I helped someone push her car out of our driveway in the snow...only to realize at the end of the driveway that the E.brake was on. Sorry mom.
I've become stuck on top of very large rocks. Sorry dad.
I've become stuck in trees.
I lost a hundred $ bill .
Everyone does stupid things...I think it's because we aren't thinking, or we are thinking, but just about something else.
I wish you a stupid free weekend, and if it's too late...a stupid free week.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Mike was a very smart dog, in fact, he was one of the smartest dogs I have ever seen to this day.
Mike adopted my uncle.
He came to my uncle's auto shop, and became a very good friend to my uncle and later to my aunt. But more to my uncle, I think. Well, my aunt needed to have surgery and my uncle was to go to Denver (I think) to be near her, and someone needed to watch over Mike (who by the way was an old doggy by now) and keep him company.
I did this.
I gave him his aspirin in a little ball of raw burger, I let him outside when he needed to go out to either "go" or bark at something. I stayed at his house and I even made him go on car rides. He was all arthritis in his hips, so the rides were probably not his favorite I rubbed his tummy, and scratched his back and brushed him, and he loved me.
Now let me tell those of you who didn't know Mike what he was like. He growled...a lot! His tail would wag, but his growl would say "I'm gonna bite your face off" He was a daddy's boy and that was that. But when daddy had to be gone, and all he had was a silly cousin to babysit he sweetened up and became my friend.
The surgery went well and uncle came home, and Mike returned loyalty. But sometimes...when my uncle was in the same room...Mike allowed me to scratch his back, but never his tummy. Tummy days were gone forever. There is more to say about my aunt and uncle and Mike, but I know other people can tell it better. I only know what I shared those few special days with Mike, and they are good memories.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Anyway, my mom was talking to Miss. Horn after school about something, probably something my sister did that was BAD. Not really, because my mom was Miss. Horn's auntie, so she was probably talking about Miss Horn's sister that was bad. he, he. Who, by the way, was the teacher for the older kids (high school?) I think at the time. I must have been cramping their style or something because when I asked for a sticker...my cousin picked one out and put it right in the middle of my forehead. I asked her "what is it?" and she said,"a little lamb, just like you" awwww, how sweet you might say,( I hear it now) and I went skipping throughout the building telling everyone I saw"I have a sticker...it's a little lamb,JUST LIKE ME!" and than I would skip off leaving them with puzzled looking faces. I came upon one high school girl who was a little mean and told her my little speech (which, by the way, was something because I was very shy, but not as much as my sister), and she said"yeah, a little lamb, just like you alright" I pulled the sticker off and looked at it.
I put it back on (I don't know why it would make a diff., but I did it) ,and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror at my sticker. It was a big pink and black farm pig! I don't think they even make those kind of pigs anymore, but it was a pig. My heart was crushed, and I carried the weight of the pain for at least the rest of the day.
Years forward, and I am talking to my cousin. I told her about that sticker memory and she didn't laugh! She apologized to me. She said she should have not done that to me, and maybe she thought I saw what it was and was being sarcastic. She apologized without even laughing or teasing. I loved her more in that moment than I ever knew I could. It wasn't long after that she went to be with the Lord after a long time fight against cancer. I wasn't as close to her as a grown up because of who I was married to at the time, and other situations, but I don't have one single week go by that I don't think of her. Her testimony lives on whenever I think about how her faith in God reflected in her life. I wrote this poem/essay(?) after I dreamed it, about one month before she passed. I have to finish...my eyes are leaking.
Gail- July 19,2000
(A dream I had)
The room was large.
As I walked in to find my seat...I noticed friends from my childhood.
People that I had not seen for years.
It was the feeling of being in the right place.
On stage the musicians began to play.
Everywhere I looked, I saw loved ones..living and dead.
And I saw you.
Up on the stage in front of us all...praising God and testifying.
You were beautiful.
Thick black hair, clear skin, and strong body.
You wore a floral dress with burgundy, and shades of pink on a black background.
You told about how you had suffered, and of how God had made you well.
And than you sang.
I don't remember the song, but I do remember the feeling of peace and joy.
I don't know what heaven will be like, but I know you and I will be there... and you will sing.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The slopes running down into crags.
Cut sharp...against the almost white sky...
I see the mountains as I go by.
I see the trees...cold and bare.
Dark skeletons standing in the thin air...
A promise of summer...a memory of fall.
I see the trees standing cold and tall.
I see the children running free...bundles head to toe against the chill.
They play in the snow...their own rules for each game.
I see the children running wild, yet tame.
I see the birds rise with the sun...singing together, or maybe just one.
They fly from the children into the trees...so I'll look at the mountains in this cool breeze.
The earth is the Lords and the fullness thereof, the world, and they that dwell therein.
Monday, March 10, 2008
I love to be finished exercising.
I hate having to stay up late.
I love sleeping in late.
I hate fish - to eat.
I love shrimp & lobster, & clam strips.
I hate Lies.
I love kind people.
I hate people who are cruel to children.
I love people who are open to adoption & sponsorship of a child.
I love writing lists.
I hate reading lists ( not really :) )
Saturday, March 8, 2008
I want to sing with my thoughts, but I don't know the words.
I want to explain what I don't understand...my creativity is stillborn...my desire unfulfilled.
I am looking down into a quiet lake...my thoughts are just showing on the other side, but when I touch them...they disappear into the ripples and light.
If I could hold my breath, and step through the looking glass...I would find the words I search for.
If I could take my mind and remove it from distraction...I would have no limit to what I could express.
My thoughts flee from me...leaving behind a shadowy dream of phrases...words, characters, and ideas.
Left to smolder on... unheeded, and alone.
Friday, March 7, 2008
The doors creaked, the windows shuttered, and as a rule we NEVER walked down the hall to get to our room. The hall had a room off to the left and two at the end. Our room that we shared was at the dead end of the hall, with our parents room right next to ours. The empty room in the hall-way had a t.v. in it and other stuff. That was the dead man room. We had a light switch at each end of the hall...we turned the light on at one end, ran down to turn the light on at the other end, than ran back to the first to turn that light off. This way we didn't have to go down the hall in the dark. And we always ran past the door in the hall especially if it was night!
We grew used to the creepiness of our home, but our sleepover friends didn't. We usually slept in the living room when we had friends over, and they didn't like the way our house creaked in the middle of the night, and their was a monster down the hall.
My sister and I could not hear the monster for the longest time, but the friends kept waking us up to listen. One day, when my friend woke me up to tell her "what is that noise?" I realized their was a monster down the hall, I could hear it too, it sounded like a strangeling bear.
Your choice for the end of this story.
1. The monster was the dead mans ghost.
2.The monster was sis talking in her sleep.
3. the monster was an over tired man with sleep apnea.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
When I was about 7, around the lunch box assault age, I was a dirt digger. I dug in any dirt I could find, and I found it believe me. Once I was leaning against the church/school building that we went to and started toe digging by the foundation. Soon, I was down digging in earnest and I made a wonderful discovery. It was small and grey, and lumpy, and looked like a brain...I had discovered a dinosaur brain!!! I just knew it! It was a little soft, like a brain should be, and just the right size according to playground information at the time. I showed every one I came across, and since the school was K-12, that was a wide range of ages. The older kids just smiled and said "wow, cool" or something kind like that, and the younger ones didn't care (or were jealous) about the importance of my discovery. I was happy, yes and a little smug. The last person I showed my treasure to was my sister. And I quote..."That's gum stupid" end quote.
The moral to this story is... be thankful it wasn't something worse.
Or...Maybe dinos had gum for brains.
Or...Don't show your wonderful treasures to your sister.
Or...One persons trash is another persons treasure
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Please pray for my very bad attitude toward stupid people at this time and pray for hubby that he will find a job that pays better and that he can enjoy. Also, he is still sick with a flu or something and feels rotten and feverish on top of this new stress.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
The movie we went to was at the $2.50 theater and we watched "I am Legend" A little into it Hub. kept looking at his watch ( a sign I chose to ignore) and about 30 min later he asked if I wanted to finish it I said yes. I enjoyed the movie even if I will be re watching it in my sleep tonight, and he didn't. I knew he wouldn't, but it was his idea to see it so I thought he knew what it was about. I believe I've read the novel before, plus I enjoy science fiction. He doesn't because he does not like anything that is not believable-go figure. I made me jump a few times and the suspense almost done me in, and his dog dies (sorry if I ruined it, but now you are prepared) and it is a little sad in the end, but that's the movie life I guess.Plus, it shows off Will Smiths torso and as my youngest would say "he's Hot!"
I've been awarded an award by my ever loving sister at Loop De Loops... she really wanted me to make a speech about it, but I am a humble person if nothing else. But I would like to say Thank You Dear Lady, thanks a lot.